Narcissistic Parents

Narcissistic Parents

Hey guys and welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video I’m so so excited about this week’s topic but before I get started and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button below and don’t forget to click on the Notification bell that will inform you each week when I do upload a new video But let’s get right into this week’s video. I wanted to tackle a topic that has been on my list for a while It’s been super highly requested like everywhere on YouTube social media and so I definitely wanted to make this video and we are gonna dive into Narcissistic parents this week. So I think for the most part the relationship between a parent and a child When it you’re dealing with a narcissist It’s gotta look similar to either a friendship or a romantic partner in the sense that there’s gonna be manipulation There’s gonna be gaslighting there’s gonna be projecting. There’s definitely gonna be verbal abuse emotional abuse There’s gonna be the silent treatment passive aggressive. There’s all those techniques that I’ve talked about in a lot of my other videos They’re definitely gonna happen here with this relationship between child and parent There’s just a few things that are gonna be really different with this relationship since you’re dealing with a child and a parent so for a Narcissistic parent that child the child that they brought into the world that child is an extension of themselves so there’s a certain level of expectation that that narcissist has on that child and when that parent doesn’t feel that that child is Where they want them to be this is definitely where a lot of abuse can actually happen So we definitely hear the term golden child happen often in these types of situations when there’s more than one child in the family where one child is really just singled out and is given a More love and admiration and support so to speak by that narcissistic parent than some of the other children There that child’s basically giving that narcissistic parent a lot of narcissistic supply so they’re giving them they’re Reflecting back what that narcissist wants to see so either they’re a child that has had a lot of accomplishments With in school or in sports or they’ve just done things where? They’ve done certain things that the narcissist deems acceptable Within society so you could have a child. That is an amazing artist and is so creative so talented But the narcissist doesn’t value that they value achievements in school. They value money. They value appearance They value success they value You know how athletic? My son is or how you know pretty my daughter is and whether or not she was homecoming queen or whatever that looks like So that’s that could be what the narcissist is. So hyper focused on and not unconditional love so when we have children We honor all of our children For the gifts that they were born into this world having so we love each child the same way Even though they’re all very different. So one child while they might be Successful by society standards and they’re not making a million dollars a year They’re very happy and they’re content and they’re a beautiful artist or they’re a great writer or whatever job that they do in life They’re happy and content with their life and that’s what we want And that’s what we we love and we honor those gifts that that child has Just the same as we would another child that might get straight A’s in school So we’re gonna really root for both children, even though one might struggle academically and the other one it comes very easily So we treat all of our children fairly so to speak and we love them all unconditionally And we want them all to be Happy in life any good parent? That’s the first thing that you’re gonna hear out of their mouth is I want you to be happy in life No matter what that looks like and I will support you in whatever it is that you want to do So we don’t support our children based off of what they give us and what we deem as acceptable So the first thing is appearances and this is really important for a narcissist So regardless again if you have children or if you’re in a romantic relationship with a narcissist Appearances are so so important for them because that’s where they really get that supply from so they need to look a certain way This doesn’t mean that all narcissists need to be wealthy and have the best of the best No, but they’re very hyper focused on what they look like and how they’re viewed to other people So that’s number number one. So a Narcissistic parent is going to make sure that their child looks a certain way that their hair is combed Nicely that, you know, they can’t just be themselves and they have to be you know acting a certain way and look a certain way for them because That gives them a high that makes them feel better about themselves That makes them feel like look we’re perfect and we have our stuff together and we’re a good family and everything’s fine We have no drama because we want everyone around us to view our family as a good family or the best family that has you know, the best clothing and the best whatever So it’s all about appearances in terms of filling Themselves up inside because they never learned how to do it themselves and the child is just an extension of that so the next thing is Children of narcissistic parents don’t have a voice and what I mean by that is they’re not asked How do you feel how was your day? How did that make you feel? What would you like for dinner tonight? Would you like peas or carrots? You know, there’s no there’s no Nurses the parents aren’t able to do that to really keep that child hone in to their sense of self So if you’re a child of a narcissistic parent you weren’t asked How was your day? And if you were asked really what you felt inside is that you need to just give a generic answer Because when you try to go deep and say you know what this is what I was going through This is how I felt your emotions were either you were either made to feel like what you were feeling was ridiculous and irrelevant or You were told to kind of suck it up and be a big boy or be a man or you know You’re being too sensitive and you don’t need to feel that way so you were shut down when you were being human and when you were just feeling and And the reason why is because of that lack of empathy so because a narcissist has absolutely no Capability to be empathetic towards you for a child that’s devastating every child needs validation every child needs a lot of empathy and Regardless of whether or not you agree with a child. So a lot of the key things That children need to grow up to be healthy you are right off the bat not gonna get from a narcissist and this is where a lot of the times that Child couldn’t conform to start having narcissistic traits as well You know really killing off that sense of self and conforming to just the ways that they’re programmed to View the world and how they’re you know teaching how this narcissistic parent is teaching them how to Deal with life or you can actually go the complete opposite and just become codependent Which is basically just suppressing Everything that we’re feeling and trying to just please dad or please mom Trying so hard to get straight A’s trying so hard to you know Make the basketball team and be the star athlete or you know Go to the best school or whatever it is that you felt that your father or mother Wanted you to do you just crave that attention inside you crave that validation you crave that unconditional love that you weren’t getting and so that becomes your wound of you seeking that validation and trying to People please in order to get that filled up inside within you So when you’re not asked those important questions of how did that make you feel? And you have every right to feel that way and what do you want for dinner? And you’re not as a child. You weren’t asked those things so you could stay connected to your sense of self That’s when we lose our sense of self. We stop trusting our intuition. That’s when we as when we become adults That’s when we attract abuse of people because we had an abusive parent. That’s when we start to become codependent That’s when we start to become a people pleaser. So this is all really where it stems from The next thing is and this is just a given narcissistic parents neglect their kids So neglect and abuse, it can look like two different things neglect can be I’m not feeding my kids. I’m not bathing my kids Or it can also be I’m over indulging my kids. I’m enabling my kids I’m not teaching them right from wrong So either you got not enough attention or too much attention Where you were put on this pedestal that? is not healthy for a child throughout their whole life to be on this pedestal or we could be Neglecting our child so much that they’re just seeking that validation and again That’s where that codependency comes from and that people-pleasing comes from so it’s a balance for parents to honor and love and praise our children But also teach them right from wrong and that sometimes they make mistakes and how to apologize And how to how to own, you know when they do something wrong and that there’s nothing wrong with them if they made a mistake and really Nurturing all of that so they can grow up to be a healthy adult so if mom or dad was just so self indulgent and So self-centered and selfish quite frankly and never put that child’s needs before themselves That’s neglect right there And again that child’s gonna always crave the attention that they didn’t get from that parent Because basically what it means is as a child, your emotional needs were not met The other thing with narcissistic parents is that they’re never wrong So just like any other narcissist you’re dealing with whether it’s a family member friendship romantic relationship. There’s no accountability There’s no responsibility for their actions and what they did and what they said or anything like that They can’t take countability for those things because then you’re reflecting Back at them what they don’t want to see which is their true self which is That they did something wrong and they don’t want to see that they just want to look at themselves as a perfect human being Have my perfect outfit on have my you know White picket fence and we don’t have any drama in the family and there’s never any issues in our family We’re not the family that’s got trouble and issues They’re probably the family that has the most so what that does for a child when they are not able to see their parent own their mistakes take responsibility for their actions and Apologize and learn how to do those things whether it’s between the child and the parent or between the two parents Themselves the child picks up on that the child then learns how to not say I’m sorry how to not take responsibility How do not accept the fact that okay, I was wrong and that’s okay That doesn’t make me a bad human being and just because I was wrong or just because I did something wrong That doesn’t mean I still don’t deserve love. It means I made a mistake and I’m gonna learn from it so a narcissist is not able to teach those lessons to a child and Then the child is always made to feel like they’re the problem that they’re the issue that they always do something wrong The other thing that often happens and a lot of adults who are raised in narcissistic homes whether it was both parents or just one will tell you this that they felt like at times they had to parent themselves and whether the parent just Neglected the child and wasn’t even in them in a way that they weren’t able to give them a lot of things emotionally But that they just felt like it was their job to take care of the parent because the parent was so self Indulged so self-involved and what was going on with them? That they didn’t have time for the child and the child just tends to grow up again codependency 101 people-pleasing 101 Feeling the need to take care of the parent because there was always something going on with a parent or that the parent needed something Or it was always what the parent wanted to do, and it was always about the parent never Really about the child. And again, this is a balancing act because as healthy parents we know that every day can’t be about the child right that we have to be we have to find balance between overindulging and Loving ourselves as well. And when you’re dealing with a narcissistic parent, it’s either one or the other either It’s just you know neglect and just not taking what that child wants into consideration whatsoever. What that child needs physically emotionally whatever or Overindulging and giving the child too much every single day putting them on a pedestal. That’s unhealthy for them developmentally So either is the dangerous, you know is a dangerous place to be for a child. So again, not only are narcissistic parents doing these types of tactics, but again Like I’ve talked about a lot of my other videos there is definitely gas leading insulting verbal abuse Every tactic of emotional abuse that you can think of very very manipulative and order for that parent to get what they want Definitely using guilt on the child. I mean all of those things a hundred percent Happens in these types of situations in these relationships. I really wanted to hone on the things that you don’t typically see When you’re dealing with a romantic partner or when you’re dealing with a friendship So, I hope that you have enjoyed this video if you have don’t forget to give it a thumbs up And I will see you next week


  • Saku Chan says:

    I Feel like my mother is a very manipulativ narcissist Person. She Sure says " I will support you in doing whatever you want" but actually every time I'm super excited to show her what I did( drawing/painting/photography ect) she brushes it off very quick ,looks disinterested and always her first sentence to something I've done she always says something negative about it . Her favourite sentence is (go in your room and don't piss me off)… I think I have a super narcissist mother

  • creator says:

    How sad.
    The parent disregards the child who isn't in their best interest to make them appear as perfect.
    And, if the child doesn't reflect back to the parent this illusion, the child's gifts will go unnoticed.

    Only the Golden child says smart things, or , does great things. Only the golden child really matters.
    The other child's accomplishments go unnoticed. The other child will never be able to measure up, no matter what. We don't have any problems. ha ha

    That's crazy. But, it's true.

  • Bible believing vato ATS says:

    I barely even heard of this channel, and it already makes sense in a lot of ways.

    Christians like myself call narcissism a Jezebel spirit.

  • Jonny Indiana says:

    The truth hurts…thank you for teaching and all your videos

  • Gabriel Gonzalez says:

    i literally think i’m narcissistic

  • Alex Simpson says:

    My Ex's mother is extremely narcissistic, it was a good part of the reason why our relationship ended. The mother controls everything my Ex does… where she can go, what she can do, when she can do it, etc… because she cares for the mother, which has a chronic illness (some nerve problem in her hand), and my Ex has to be there all the time for her for whatever reason.
    This started affecting dating a lot, because apparently I was "spending too much time" with my Ex, and that my Ex "wasn't doing enough" for the mother… it eventually prevented dating almost entirely, and I was only staying over my Ex's place once or twice a week (which was 3-4 times a week at the start), instead of taking her out.
    This wore down on me heavily, and that's where the problems started.
    I eventually voiced my opinions about what was going on, started a little fight, but was "solved" in the end between us.
    Two weeks later my Ex broke up with me. Pretty much all because I wanted a fun and meaningful relationship, and she couldn't provide that because of her narcissitic mother's needs.

  • PressPause 2Play says:

    The HARDEST most confusing detaching un natural thing a child/adult child can do is ADMIT they have narcissistic parents. All their life they go through weird event after weird event with these parents and you just don't ever really feel loved. Only it feels insane to feel like your parents don't love you….but to grow up and go through half of an entire life and can see what love is and know for fact you didn't get that from your parents ever and now you KNOW they don't carry a nurturing love for you, and to finally admit there is some severe neglect to a level of finally finding the strength to say MY PARENT/S ARE NARCISSIST is one of the most perplexing painful yet relieving moments a human can and will ever experience ….I truly wouldn't wish it on anybody. It truly means you're out here alone and you officially know it now. I'm empathic and currently surviving two narcissistic parents. Who literally do not reach out to me nor my children at all, for no absolute reason. We aren't fuel enough so we are just disposable. I'm relieved to have escaped the years of abuse as an adult but it doesn't mean I'm not in mourning. Clearly I would be because I don't have any parents. Try explaining THAT to your friends and romantic partners.

  • Dlh23dlh23 Dlh23dlh23 says:

    My Dad brags on my beauty, my voice in singing, being smart, and my drawing.

  • Dlh23dlh23 Dlh23dlh23 says:

    I am codependent. I Was Abused and neglected. My Dad is narcissistic. My mom neglected me because of 2 sick sisters, I was bullied by people. I was isolation from the world and not allowed to socialize hardly. Was controlled and my opinion didn't matter. And My Older sister bullied me.

  • axlovesxyou says:

    It is so sad.. i wanted a positive relationship with my dad all my life. All he ever did was hurt me and would manipulate me to think that it was his way of showing me love. It is horrible to think he will never see who he is and just keep reflecting himself onto everyone else..

  • Craig Merkey says:

    I can totally identify… now with years of hard work therapy and consistant practice I can now see they did me a favor I am strong!!

  • quantum wizard says:

    Self absorbed idiots having kids. This is what ruined and continues to ruin society.

  • Rachel Lee says:

    No voice what so ever….!

  • Breakthrough Moment says:

    You're right that narcs aren't able to separate the person from the deed. Instead of correcting the behavior, they attack the child. Also, I concur with your statement that the biggest gift you can give your kid is happiness and acceptance. The child parentification you discuss in the end is an enormous burden. Not only did you have to raise yourself, but you had to raise your self-centered parent(s) too. Do you think if we had put on them what they put on us, they would have been as charitable and understanding as we were towards Them?

  • Zoo Pet says:

    Thank you Stephanie Lyn.
    Found your beautiful channel through Jeffrey Daugherty❤

  • Jen Bradley says:

    What if a mother has 2 girls and one boy and only focuses on the boy ?

  • Red Rain says:

    Because of my narcissistic parents, I used to think I'm not good enough and hit myself on my head several times as a kid. Now I'm struggling with addiction since several years. I've sought out help but nothing has worked out, my Gf left me as well. I fell like I should kill myself.

  • Kyn Chan says:

    Narcissists should not have children.

  • rlalko l says:


  • EllieMacVenue23 says:

    Amazingly accurate describing "Mother" ~ More Extreme even than the description ~ It stays with you. "It's a balancing act" for the survivor for the rest of their life… In my experience, said she…

  • AbbyKT says:

    How do I help my daughter understand this?  I don't think I can just have her watch this video but I feel like she really needs to understand that what her dad is doing is wrong… the guilt trips, the bribes, the ignoring or negating her feelings, never accepting fault… all of it.  I can see her shutting down and acting/pretending more and more.  She's even stopped talking to me about some things because he got into her head and made her feel guilty about sharing her feelings with me about things he does to hurt her.  I'm terrified she'll either become narc-bait or become a narc herself.  How do I convey these powerful ideas and awareness to help her protect her kind, sweet, altruistic nature from his daily on-slaught?

  • Jessica Vasquez says:

    You are speaking to me. I'm 35 years old and about 5 years ago the light bulb finally turned on for me with my mothers behavior and the reasons why she always put me down. I'm a mother of a beautiful son and I look at him in amazement. I'm thankful to my past because it thought me what to never to bring into motherhood and just being a woman. This channel is truly a gift! Thank you.

  • Lan Ba says:

    I love you. You’re saving a lot of lives. Keep posting!

  • Kelly Garcia says:

    My 15 year old daughter constantly gets the silent treatment from her dad. It hurts her to the core. She calls and texts him, but he doesn't respond until he feels that he has punished her enough. I wish he would've disappeared. My heartaches for my daughter.

  • AussieGirl says:

    WOW! Amazingly accurate

  • The IBD Vegan says:

    Very good video, thank you 🙂


    Subbed, i feel like a victim of a narcissistic family, they only seem to care if i do somethings for them, if im feeling drained, its always replied with how their problems are worse. I have bipolar and its hard to even get through the day, with all this pressure im down. Im oversensitive according to my aunty, just want a life is all

  • Lord Vader says:

    This was my sadistic mother who loved to fight and inflict emotional pain. She died alone covered in bed sores. No apologies when confronted. Her ashes were dumped in the gutter and all of her belongings were dumped in the trash. Yes, I tried but she never wanted to talk about anything.

  • Gerard Wutler says:

    I watched this right after Parental narc abuse just occured towards me. I feel better now.
    This video was exactly what I needed. Thank you <3

  • Samantha Ewertz says:

    I am 27 years old and to this day, everything you just said, is spot on! I still struggle with this with my mom.

  • Debra Helgeson says:

    You have described my life in a nut shell! I wish I would have know all this years ago, but know it now. Thank you Knowledge is power.

  • dev gana says:

    Love should be unconditional mostly from parents n u r right about the an abusive person bcoz of narcs parents one attracts a narcissist person

  • sweetprem says:

    Hi. How can I help my stepdaughter out off this. She’s 10 years old girl and so innocent. Her narcissistic mother spinning her head around and make she hate her dad. They’re co-parenting. A girl refuses to see her father and said that he is horrible. This killing me to see this happening on and on. Please suggest. Thank you.

  • Stacey Maring says:

    Wow! I am listening to this video at work and it completely opened my eyes. I pushed down my feelings to where I am numb. And I can clearly see where it came from in my narcissist mother. I am in counseling and finding out this information is going to help me to heal and live a healthy life. Thank you so much for this video.

  • Jovanna Alvarez says:

    Explained very well,why are narcissists so cookie cut? Smh..thank you

  • josh says:

    😓how can I heal from the pain I feel so shitty and low my healths affected and it’s like I don’t even want to date or live my life because I’ve been so broken down by people who are supposed to love me ?

  • M P says:

    Can you rehabilitate a narcissist through patience, love and sympathy? I have tried but they seem to just find you weaker and attack you more, have I not tried enough?

  • Nikki Sweet says:

    My mom is narcissistic and she values how outspoken my younger sister is and she sees her as strong and more mature even though when I was the same age I was taking care of an entire household. (Mom sleeps all day because she works at night). I was cooking and doing homework with my siblings and making sure to watch movies with my mom and do everything she wants and she would complain because I would have burnout and pass out at the end of the day. My mom has told my siblings and I that we can't be tired because we're not adults. She sees motherhood as a war against us and she has to 'win'.

  • Tiffany Bailey says:

    My father would regularly tell me that I was an "accident" and that I owed him for bringing me into the world. He would say things like "Im going to beat the fear of god into you" when we would act up. Sometimes he was physical. All three of his (now adult) children have suicidal tendencies (even the successful one) and he constantly wonders what is wrong with us and that we must have genetically acquired our mothers "crazy". Everything he owns (including his home) was acquired through other people. He wouldn't be telling the truth if he told anyone that he worked hard for all that he has. He literally stole me from my mother (who wasn't much better). I still remember going to visit him one weekend and he made me call my mother and tell her that I wasn't coming home. I balled because my mother was balling and the only reason I did it was because I was afraid of him. He could care less. He used the tax refunds and child support to go on lavish vacations. I didn't have doctor or dentist check ups because "the new governor said he made too much money to afford medicare" (can't believe I was stupid enough to believe that). I could literally do nothing but clean the house because "He couldn't afford a funeral if I ended up dying". I tried to tell. I tried to expose. Nobody believed me. The authorities told me that he could pull me by the hair kicking and screaming if he had to. People are hell.

  • What Big Eyes says:

    I was an only child of a narcissistic mother. I was not the golden child, she was. She was the neglecting narcissistic parent. She was almost munchausen by proxy. My grandmother saved me from that fate. I almost died before I was three months old. She kept saying I threw up everything she fed me. I only got bits and pieces of this after I was grown.

  • Vishal Upadhyay says:

    Thank you so much for this valuable video. I'm a son of NPD parents and I'm shaking while typing the comment because the neglect part just clicked and I get to connect the dots. I thought it was just the abuse, but since now I started to see things from healthy & unhealthy point of view instead of right and wrong, good or bad, I see it all now. Thank you once again Sarah, you saved me.

  • Matthew Aikido says:

    Please work with me..i never had something pulled out of me so hard but gently at the same time. Im in tears listening because this described my mom spot on. Like a bullseye..and i became codependant and picked up sooo much from her. And its scary how unaware of it ive been..and i considered myself to be highly aware. I literally have so much to learn please help. I need the steps to overcome this

  • Alexandria Scott says:

    My parents were this way to me. It’s a horrible nightmare. There is no unconditional love.

  • Richard Lopez says:

    Are you trying to fuck your kids or raise your parents? You can't have both.

  • Richard Lopez says:

    If you're looking for a fun role-playing game, Try pretending you're just a sheet of paper on the sidewalk for everyone to spit on, and don't forget to say thank you. The thank yous are important. One might add, 'crucial'.

  • White Dove says: my life with narcissistic parents.

  • Lorissa Mae says:

    My parents are both narcissist. My mother bad mouths me behind my back. Then to my Face is all sweet and kind. My step dad doesn’t even care about me cause I’m not where he was at my age. They both care about money more than anything. They are soo toxic. I left at 18 and lived on my own. Well, I thought things had change due to the Information my mom was feeding me. So I moved back home and all that information was lies. They just wanted me back to control me and continue to abuse me to make them feel better. Was there for 3 months and got
    My own place. Never again will I be living with them cause it was pure hell. If you have parents like this it’s best to get out as soon as possible! It’s your life you deserve to be happy!

  • Rachel Lee says:

    Rachel is such an authistic fool……
    An eliterate tot, that is the only vibes I receive from these people. Covertly trying to protect from invisible air and totally invalidating.

  • dkalisd says:

    This is the quality content we need in the Youtube world. I knew my mum is toxic since I was little but I could not point out the one word to describe her. And now I know.

  • Jessica Davis says:

    This describes my family with 100% accuracy. I was the black sheep. I left as soon as I turned 18 and have been at peace.

  • Marlayna Olson says:

    We have to keep in mind that a lot of these narcissist parents could be involved in cults. Which is an enrirely different and new topic and therapy session all together. These people are brainwashed and they will never realize how brainwashed they have their children. These people are sadistic emotionally, and lack basic empathy. Stay away from them altogether. Do not look back.

  • Jayson Power says:

    My narc father (while I was growing up): How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

    My narc father: I'm sad. You never open up to me. We don't talk. We don't have a relationship.

    My narc father: How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

    My narc father: I'm sad. You never open up to me. We don't talk. We don't have a relationship.
    My narc father: How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

    My narc father: I'm sad. You never open up to me. We don't talk. We don't have a relationship.
    My narc father: How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

    My narc father: I'm sad. You never open up to me. We don't talk. We don't have a relationship.
    My narc father: How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

    My narc father: I'm sad. You never open up to me. We don't talk. We don't have a relationship.
    My narc father: How was your day?
    Me: Well it was ok, but I…
    My narc father: You wouldn't believe my day (proceeds to talk for 10 minutes about his day, dumping all his stress on me).
    Me: (Listens, then walks away, slowly dying inside)

    Rinse and repeat everyday for my entire childhood.

    But then one day..

  • Tina Butterfly says:

    Let them go. Disgard. Don't believe their fake illnesses to reel you in for more torture. Even if their illnesses are true, stay clear.

  • Tinkerginamama says:

    Sums my life up to the T

  • Sleipnirseight says:

    Thank you so much for this video. Hearing explanations and having words to name and understand what I experienced as a child and how that's shaped my patterns in socialization or emotional expression is so validating. It helps me identify the things that I have always thought were wrong with me and understand where they come from and how I can grow beyond them.

    What you said about developing co-dependence really hit me. It has shaped my friendships and romantic relationships, and I have ALWAYS struggled with sharing my emotions or connecting with others. It's painful to see other adults who have large, healthy social groups, where I only a few friends, that although I value immensely, I rarely see. I always thought it was something inherently wrong with me, but I think it's a result of learned co-dependence. Ugh.

  • Gaetana Nelson says:

    My parents were baby boomers who felt so entitled that they felt "society" should pay for their five children while they went about life living like they were still teenagers.

  • Gaetana Nelson says:

    Lack of empathy and no validation: Tana and Walt. LOL.

  • Ray, Philip says:

    Great stuff..

    Your very pretty

  • Kyndra Walker says:

    I was NEVER allowed to display negative feelings toward my narc parent. I didn't have the right, because I was his child and should always be okay around him. He even went so far as to say that because he's my parent my anxiety shouldn't be triggered by him. A true narcissist to the core.

  • Navah Hochstein says:

    This was really a good video. Thank you for sharing this information. It gives a lot of insight.
    All your other videos are also great!!! Thank you again

  • paul norton says:

    Great video. 😁

  • Happyness Within says:

    Its sad because , after realizing why my life has been shit ..bad decisions and all that it was literally because the narcissist has been in the back of my mind my whole life and now i make decisions for myself i feel so blank and empty dont even really know who i am .and i feel like i was destroyed mentally and spiritually along time ago and didnt even realize it

  • Meaningful Life says:

    WOW! Every single thing you mentioned happened in my family. The ironic thing is that they called me a narcissist!
    That's how it is with them…if they did their research they would have learned that I'm a co-dependent. 😛

  • Sqwivig says:

    The biggest problem with narcs is that they GENUINELY don't understand that their behavior is abusive. You can give them specific examples and explain to them why it's not ok for them to do those things and they'll just look at you like you grew a second head. I've given my parents countless examples of them being terrible people and bad parents and they just don't get why I'm so upset. In their mind they've been perfectly good parents and don't understand why their child is "rebelling" against them. When in reality, that child is just finally standing up for themselves and calling out the abuse.

  • Francesca says:

    My mother is a narcissist. It's taken me a long time to realize it, but acknowledging the issue was liberating, to say the least. Unfortunately, I'm still living with her, but I hope to move out and flourish as I was meant to be as soon as I'm financially independent.
    I think that the hardest thing for children of narcissistic parents to realize is that deep down, despite the hate and the abuse, the neglect and the roallercoaster of emotions and issues they put us through, very deep down, we still love them and crave for the love they should've given us. And that hurts the most.

  • NÖ NÖ says:

    for me, my mom is definitely a narcissist but she didn't want me to go to college, she didn't want me to elevate in life because she wanted me to be lesser than her to feel like she was doing better than someone. Every chance she gets to stand in the way of my blessings and prosperity she takes it.

  • Hey Daddy says:

    Hey… I suffered a lot with this and still understanding this… I wish I knew earlier..

    I just have one question..

    What's the difference between tiger parenting vs narcisistic parenting?

    Please… I would like to know.

  • Alex Anderson says:

    I'm in my fourties and have just started to realize my parents,my father really bad, are narcissists. I'm trying to figure out what to do. My father made me executor of his estate so if I walk away I feel it will hurt my brothers because he won't let them have any control and might just cut us off. I think it's very difficult when the narcissist has money to set boundaries. I don't want to hurt my family but I'm so tired of having no voice. How do yiu set boundaries with a narcissist?

  • Vexon WorldGuest says:

    I just wanted to say to all of you people that ultimately we can blame ourselves once we grow up. Remembering a few hurtful sentences from your parent doesn't make that parent a narcissist, moreover being a narcissist is more different things at once. Besides, why should we all know what your parents did to you? Not that I'm not empathising with you guys, but if that's how the society works then all of us are narcissists. I came here seeking answers for my own personal development. Still I do not take everything for granted that I hear. Example once I heard the description of a covert narcissist, it might as well be any person that you don't like. Our tendency as humans is to subconsciously imply that somebody is evil because that individual's mind doesn't work like ours. Especially hard to discern right from wrong in a society of 21st century that seemingly believes in no apsolute right and wrong.

  • L Lakes says:

    You have explained my entire life! Thank you

  • Toni Spaulding says:

    I learned to say "I don't know" to most questions because I knew that the "wrong" answer would get me into trouble.

  • Christy Jones says:

    My fiancé has a narcissistic mother. So many things you stated about a narcissistic parent are true. She cares about appearances in every facet, money, what others think about her and what she has. She doesn't ask him how he is ever, if she's told she comes back with insensitive comments. She does ask our son how he is, however I have noticed that even with my son she states she wants him to be a Dr. like she was in her country before she came to the U.S. She will say things at times like why did you do that? Do you have a brain? My son has repeated that. So my fiancé imo is bound to his mom, idk if this will change when we buy our house far away from her. He was physically abused by his dad as a child and his mom did nothing. Now that he's an adult I feel that she is like his wife in that she tells him to do tons of things for her, and now tells me. She plans holidays, and birthdays and we are expected to just say yes to everything she wants. Thanks for this video..I felt like I have been going crazy but this video shows me that this is how narcissistic parents are. I try to do what my fiancé suggested in not engaging with her more than I have to..and it does make it easier.

  • Peter Ase says:

    How do you counter the argument from outsiders that tells you "every parent believes their attempts of trying to raise kids to their extend is the best", when this in reality this abuse has happened to you?

  • Britt Pomales says:

    can you talk about how other family members like cousins, aunt and uncle's don't see how the person is being a narcissist towards the kids. bc I can't rely on anyone for defense. they all think it's my fault for being too dependent and how I have 100% responsibility to take care of my mom. her problems aren't mine, why should I deal with them. I don't mind helping but I'm not going to be responsible for her life

  • Astrid A says:

    Society it self is based on narcissist behaviour …but it s slowly changing

  • anaiherrera1 says:

    I didn’t know how to be a parent and i did a some off the behaviour here but most of all I did not even know what abuse used to look like and most of all boundaries! I wish I had known all this information long time ago and hope that younger parents get to know this in the early stages of their relationship and before being a parent! My husband was abusive and it was hell! I had to change for him to learn how to not abuse me!

  • LauraLevel74 says:

    My Step Daughters are victims of their narc mother who is also alienating them from their father and the rest of the family , it has been 5 years and the courts are just making it worse . Please help us if you can , we need help to get these girls home to their daddy 🙁

  • Shelda Calland says:

    I moved in with my covert narcissist mother ( still here )
    3 1/2 years ago to move her out of her 5 thousand sq foot home she was living in alone , about an hour away from family, I didn’t know what she was at that point , but while googling aging parents behavior I stumbled across these videos. Low and behold answers to why my entire life is the way it is and explains her horrible behavior.
    She is an absolute nightmare at 84 !!
    Stalks me inside the house , gaslighting especially when people are around she has amnesia . Manipulating, demeaning, , and down right nasty and could care less about me , only what I can do for her .has zero empathy I mean zero .for anyone.
    My question is at 59 and still in the same house with her can I heal from a lifetime of abuse while I’m still struggling with her ? I’m just exhausted…..

  • Bonnie Wolf says:

    My sister's earliest memories are of the pain she felt watching me be the golden child while she was ignored. But of course I was unable to retain that title and by the time we reached adulthood, she was the golden child while I was the scapegoat. Later, when my sister got married and surpassed our mother with her own personal and financial success, of course Mother cant stand that- so naturally that is when I was re-elected as the golden child. Too bad for Mom, by age 40 I had figured out her toxic fake love and was no longer susceptible to her manipulations, no longer feeding her narc ego. Now that she is 75 yrs old the whole entire family sees through her nasty hurtful manipulative bullshit. I was alone with this knowledge for many years, but now everyone in the family is able to talk about the ways this toxic narcissistic bitch has negatively affected our lives. It feels good to not be alone with the truth but you know what? I didn't need anybody to agree with me or confirm what I know. It took my 40 yeas to realize: MY FEELINGS MATTER.

  • Nina Nickel says:

    The only time my mother asked how something made me feel was after a little boy tried to have sex with me. She didn’t actually do anything. So I don’t trust that. Because as I got older, at 13, an almost 40 year old molested me and my mother asked me what I did to cause it. I didn’t ever speak a word of it ever again even after it happened to 5 other girls. I just cannot agree with them asking how you feel as you care. They pit family members against each other.

  • funitude says:

    Thank you for respecting the viewers by wearing a blouse that covers you. So many women that are in a professional position wear low cut revealing clothing in their videos. I find it vulgar. You look decent and I appreciate it.

  • Aleksander Blinn says:

    Mine make me feel unworthy of love so much i hate myself and contemplate suicide but ill never do it but it crosses my mind every day. I repeat those words my mum would say to me every morning and then i self sabotage myself. Now i realise that they have a personality disorder i can actually move on and dont need their apology to move on. She still tried it but now i just smile haha you cant get me anymore.

  • C Jennings says:

    Relationship neglect emotionally communication enteraction. Emotional lack. Basics analytical thinking: improvising care, adaptation basics. Manners GOOD language. No sharing of personal views. Didn t matter. Look CLEAN. BE QUIET Sit quiet or go to your room & be quiet. Wait til i Call u for next meal. Do your history homework. I thought boring.i d rather be outside playing with the VARIETY of animals we Raised: fattened Up.& then the cute lovable animals would disappear. We would get some new little animals. Grief. & hate. I did think it my fault daddy took my pets/pals away. I worked hard to feed em. Work with them. Oh grief.
    My daddy was a parttime farmer on the side. & Hunter/Fishingman. Carpenter/Painter/Remodeler. Mother was a Glamorous Secretary at a Bank. & Book keeper. (Boring.) She SAT all day. Result GRUMPY bitter emotionally after work. Yet had that fake smile. (Like walking on eggshells) Unsettling unbalanced. Restless ridiculing: Sarcastic words.(She would say Sticks & stones will break my bones. But words will never hurt you. Kids will do things like that. Do not fight back. Just be.) Be like Jesus. Good.

  • Bill Brrr says:

    Amazing talk, just amazing advice <3

  • Shakera H. says:

    I'm happy I found you in the right moment of my life. I'm soooooo mentally tired and honestly depressed due to my mom. Every time I get verbally attacked by family due to her I don't know how to respond however you say everything i feel/know. So I'm grateful for finding you because I'm fed up

  • Fashionbliss says:

    I’d add financial abuse/financial neglect

  • Bobb Sanders says:

    I feel like the damage is done

  • Maciej Rabizo says:

    Great content thank you!

  • Mangosandicecream x says:

    This is literally my life. It is devastating when you think about about how much emotional abuse is inflicted upon children who have narcissistic parents.

  • my name's V2 says:

    this sounds like my mom

  • D T says:

    I'm dealing with this as an young adult now and I never knew. This video made so much sense on why my life is the way it is today. Thank you so much for the information. I will definitely need help going thru this but excited for the journey for a better fulfilling life

  • Sutter Caine says:

    They are just so called "parents". Narcissists are insane lunatics. Totally out of their mind. They should be locked up in an insane asylum. Only way to deal with them is to leave them or to kill them.

  • andrine camu says:

    Parent: you never open up to me

    You: opens up

    Parent: gets mad because you felt a certain way

  • Ashtart Scheherazade says:

    I underestimated really deeply how much my upbringing harmed me, had a mental breakdown at 30 I'm 36 and still haven't quite recovered, sometimes I get a bit better for a while but then I downward spiral and get a lot worse. Not sure this will ever get better at this point, feeling hopeless often.

  • Yasha Adam says:

    I was raised by an extremely abusive Narcissistic mother who liked to portray herself as the ideal mother in front of everyone i knew.
    She was always involved in my school, my friend's parents, my sport coaches and everyone that ever crossed our path.
    She would act like the most amazing mother in the world and talk about how great I am.
    But the moment we're away from people, just me and her.. she would beat the crap out of me, call me a loser, worthless, useless, she wish she didn't have me, I'm not her son, I'm the most pathetic drama queen she's ever seen and my favorite "waste of oxygen"
    That was my life ever since I remember up untill I was in my mid teenage life when I ran away from home and rebelled against my mother, father, school, society and everything.
    The most who is made to love me to most, used me as an extension of herself that makes her happy. It was never about me, it was about her.
    The years pass and now I'm the one in charge of my life unlike her, I'm the one putting boundaries and directly not allowing her to push her negetivety on me which lead her to cutting ties with me a few times with the typical silence treatment but it didn't work.
    My mother talks to me only if she feels/thinks she's in control and if she doesn't get what she wants, she would just ignore me.
    A lot of people are still struggling with self love after finding out the truth about their mother. I want you to know, you're not alone and you are LOVED UNCONDITIONALLY

  • LUCKY Games says:

    Gaslighting, poisoning, good cop bad cop, complete neglect, malnutrition, yeah my childhood was great!

  • Bikealot Hollies says:

    Well, theres no denying it, I was that child who if I didn't do what my mum expected of me I was pushed to one side.
    Ultimately the narssaism fot too much and I've pushed that side of the fault away now after battling though depression I'd had since a child.
    Glad to have people like to you to help the broken adults x

  • TED Schmitt says:

    And there's going to be turning the child against the other parent, especially if the parents are divorced and when the child is an only child.

  • The B says:

    My mom is a narcissist I hardly talk to her these days. Growing up was hard because I always did what I wanted regardless of what others thought. This always lead to a ton of fighting.

  • proud army says:

    So i just want to say something , if anyone read my comment I'm begging u to mention something can help : so I'm 16 y.o my parents are narcissistic and toxic but no matter what they are always saying I'm ungrateful naughty child , anyways , there is this memory I can't forget , when I told em I have low self esteem and feel like unworthy , not comfortable in my own skin and I hate myself , didn't try or think about suicide but I do have depression , I'm scared to death in the night feeling like I'm gonna die , I'm Muslim and wear hijab wish I'm not really satisfied or proud of it and I want to take it off , I told all of that to my mother than she told my father meanwhile my father slap me very hard .
    Not to mention that when he is mad at me or my siblings he hit us like he is fighting with some men, I can't talk to him without getting emo , just like that even a regular conversation , when I heard about the inner child I realized I was an angry child bulling ppl and gossip even now I can't even make relationships , I feel unloved and I dump ppl and I have this huge ability to forget about them , with meditation and all it's like I opened a hole and all emotions and memories come out . I'm mess plz help .

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